SURVEiLLANCE ALERT!!!

It has come to the attention of the National Security Agency that we might be under surveillance by beings from another world. The methods being used are more sophisticated than we had anticipated. One such surveillance infusion is by the random placement of garden furniture and decorations. Although seemingly harmless in appearance, the simple "lawn Gnome" may be a highly sensitive high frequency transmission and reception unit used to monitor earth creature activity.

They may be watching everything from garden slugs slobbering around to cats tracking birds and rodentia to humans going about their daily activities. These simple Gnomes may appear as though they're blending in with the garden; what they are in fact doing is collecting data throughout the day that gets uploaded to a mothership at night. These waves are such high frequency that they cannot be seen with the naked eye. We've noticed, though, that cats can see these signals. The radiation emited by these devices at night does not pose a threat.

If you notice a new decoration on your garden or see any lawn gnomes, don't be alarmed. They are harmless and do not seem to pose a threat to the Homeland Security program. Go about your daily activities as usual.

More as this develops.